Mr. Pat's Friends: The Beach: a Different Place

As summer nears, the thoughts of many of us turn to the beach. Today, we had an advance show-and-tell, starting with Deep Sea Dive, a dive guide book that helped us explore the underwater world and learn about deep-sea creatures.

Then Ms Forbis said, "Cristopher…do you see the octopus on this hand-puppet?"

"Oh, yes," he said. Then he traced over sandpaper fish hidden by Ms White under green construction paper. It was an exciting morning for all.

The beach is not only exciting, it's a place that never changes but never stops changing. After all, time is precious — it seems there is no longer time to relax and spend time away, no time to think things through. But surely you and I believe that all people should have a place to go, a place of complete serenity, a place we can call our own. Surely we all believe we deserve some time away — with or without our disabled child.

But isn't that somehow…selfish?

To paraphrase what Erma Bombeck once wrote (God Chooses a Mom for a Disabled Child): "You may have been chosen for this child because you have just enough selfishness. It's a virtue because if you can’t separate yourself from the child occasionally, you’ll never survive. However," she continues, "you’ll have to teach the child to live in the child's world and that’s not going to be easy."

But, increasingly, help is available. Mothers and dads are not alone. There's even help at the beach! For example, you can register now for Surfing for autism, a free two-day (August 10-11) event on the Outer Banks at Jeanette’s Pier in Nags Head. It offers individuals and families impacted by autism to experience the therapeutic benefits of paddling and surfing. It was created in 2010 by two parents with children who have autism.

Others of us may turn to the mountains, or maybe someplace exotic and far away. But what if your long-planned trip ends up somewhere other than where you intended? Emily Perl Kingsley wrote about just such an event in her 1987 essay "Welcome to Holland" where the excitement of a planned vacation to Italy becomes a disappointment when the plane lands instead in Holland. It's a metaphor about raising a child with a disability after planning for a "normal" child.